Just in case you’ve been living under a gigantic rock for the past year and a half, Donald Trump is running for President of the United States opposite former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.
We’re increasingly confused about this whole election, it’s completely mad. So with the election drawing ever closer, we created a fact file to just how weird it was. Take it with a grain of salt… Basically, react to this guide in the opposite manner of how Trump reacted to Alec Baldwin’s impression of him on the famous sketch show Saturday Night Live.
Take inspiration from Hillary Clinton and reach out to your impersonator – just like the Bar Talk sketch that the Democrat did with Kate McKinnon for SNL. Imitation the greatest form of flattery, right?!
If you’re a staunch supporter of either side, perhaps don’t check out SNL’s Hillary and Trump sketches but if you’re undecided (or can take a joke), Kate and Alec are hilarious in these roles! Anyway, to forget about SNL for a minute, this is an “all-in-good-fun” fact file to everything you’ll need in your arsenal to make jokes while the results are on.
GET THE PRESIDENTIAL LOOK
Trump is a very recognisable man thanks to the election but there are some details that are crucial…
- He has incredibly small hands. Try to get a blue suit jacket that is slightly too big for you and the your hands will look almost as tiny as his!
- Talk about China
- Red tie, white shirt and blue suit… We see what you did there Mr Trump
- The thinning hair that he still insists is his
- Bathe yourself in fake tan but wear those teeny tiny goggles so you maintain the white circles around your eyes.
- Talk about China a lot
- Get that Instagram pout at the ready, cause you’ll be using it a lot
- Basically, look like a confused-but-angry orange baby a lot and you’ll be fine
Clinton has been in the public eye for over 30 years now but the following are key to a successful 2016 Hillary costume…
- Rock a pantsuit that will make the entirity of the 80s jealous
- Act desperate for the presidency
- Remind everyone that you’re a granny
- Sensible shoes only, with the smallest and chunkiest of kitten heels
- Force a lot of smiles, you’ll need to act like you’re not a robot
- Make a lot of attempted jokes about your emails (it’s the only way to deal with them, really)
- Remind everyone that you are a granny again
- Basically – watch a lot of SNL’s Hillary sketches and you’ll have the costume and perhaps even the impression nailed
IN THE REPUBLICAN CAMP, WE HAVE
Melania Trump: Strong willed woman, committed wife, “a mother first”, and wonderful at writing original speeches…
Mike Pence: This guy is terrifying. He’s like a menacing turtle without a shell in a human costume. Not as lizard-like as Ted Cruz, but still entirely reptilian.
Vladimir Putin: Now this is a controversial one as their relationship has been subject of debate but there is some strange sort of connection between the two. We smell a couples costume on the cards!
AND IN THE DEMOCRAT CAMP, WE HAVE
Bill Clinton: This question has haunted us since she announced her candidacy – should she be elected, will she and Bill be Mister and Madame President?
The Obamas: The current President and First Lady endorse Clinton – Barack has obviously worked with her in the past so it’s not too surprising
Cher: Yes this is a weird one but have you seen Cher’s Twitter?! It’s not so much pro-Hillary, but so anti-Trump it’s actually quite admirable.
This election has been full of weird moments but the Republican candidate takes the cake…
- Trump is being sued by dancing tweens, the “USA Freedom Kids”
- Remeber when that eagle attacked him… was it a sign?
- “Grab ‘em by…” you get the drift
- Those videos of Trump praising both Bill and Hillary in 2008 when she ran against President Obama – bit awkward
- Every single tweet he has sent during the election
- THE WALL
- Sarah Palin came back to endorse Trump and she did what Sarah Palin does best: confuse everyone with weird, random gibberish
But it isn’t just Trump who has had weird moments – it’s safe to say that the whole election has been weird, and these are just a few anecdotes:
- Two words: Deez Nuts
- When Jeb Bush uttered the words “Please clap” when the room was quiet during one of his rallies, or just Jeb Bush in general. He doesn’t know how to work a zip up hoodie, how could he have been president?
- Ken Bone and everything that was revealed about him
- Nasty Woman(™)
- When Dr Ben Carson mucked up his entrance into the GOP Debate back in February and caused the most awkward Republican traffic jam
- Ted Cruz – Zodiac Killer? Robot? Lizard in a man suit? Who knows.
- Hillary’s many awkward attempts to be down with the kidz (which SNL captures perfectly – can you tell we’re in love with Kate McKinnon?)
We could say these are fun facts, but they’re not that fun. They’re just random facts about 2016 Potential Candidates:
- Hillary Clinton has a Grammy Award which she won in 1997 for Best Spoken Word/Non-Musical Album
- Donald Trump doesn’t drink due to alcoholism running in his family
- Bernie Sanders released an album in 1987 called We Shall Overcome
- Ted Cruz is a Guinness man and hates avocados
So there we have it. If you’re watching the results of the election with mates, then check out our USA Morphsuit – the perfect way to be patriotic without telling people of who you voted for. Or the perfect way to stand out and tell everyone who you voted for. It’s up to you.